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the gift of time

June 15, 2010

It is such a lovely thing to wake up and find out that you have an unexpected day off. I was prepared to get up and get ready for work just like any other day. I haven’t been feeling 100%, but it’s the Interim so work isn’t demanding. Finding out I had a whole day to myself, at home, to do whatever I want was such a blessing. Now I can rest up and catch up. I actually had breakfast at the kitchen table with my Bible study. I might actually get some fresh air and take a nap. Oh, the gift of time. I cherish it. To spend time in the quiet, to sip a cup of coffee, to enjoy my little patio garden, to accomplish my “to do” list, to enjoy the sunshine, to rest, to just be.

Both of my summer classes – Digital Photography and Digital Media Production – started yesterday. Every semester it’s the same thing – this fear that grips my heart that I am going to fail. When I finished my first semester I was walking on the moon – I had  never thought I would be able to complete graduate level courses and do so well. I was blown away by how much fun I had and how well all my classes went. January came and brought with it my second semester…and a greater fear than I had experienced the previous semester. This time I somehow felt that I could never top the first semester and, therefore, I was doomed to fail. Oh, man. The cycle of fear that the Enemy uses!

Even now starting my third semester – and how God has proved Himself faithful to help me and guide me and provide for me! – I am still fighting fear. Fear that I won’t be able to keep up, fear that I won’t know what I am supposed to do to complete my assignments, fear that my computer will crash :|, that my software won’t work, that the camera I’ve been using for the past two years will somehow disintegrate in my hands. Ha. All is well. I have my first two assignments down. I can see both these courses are going to be so much fun! Fear shouldn’t even be a factor, but I think the first step is becoming aware of the cycle. A certain amount of fear is healthy I think – keeps me humble, working hard, constantly trying to do better. Yet, too much fear can have the opposite effect: paralyzing, strangling, stifling. So I move forward with my focus mainly set on the fun, but still maintaining a healthy dose of “fear” so I will do my very best.

When I am done with these classes in July, I will only have two semesters left. My mind can hardly contain the wonderful-ness of that thought.

Ah….raspberry iced tea with fresh mint, humus with Fritos (does that counter act the healthy factor?) and yogurt with blueberries. That is my lunch today. Simple but good. Just perfect. Tonight is spaghetti squash with pesto. I love summer foods. Everything is so juicy and fresh. I think I bought more fruit than we can consume this last shopping trip. Oh, well. We’ll do our best 😉

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