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of worth

July 9, 2010

I’ve been thinking about worth lately. I’ve never truly acknowledged in my own life that internal, deeply imbedded desire we each have as human beings to know we are of worth. I’ve felt it, but never actually acknowledged it. I have such a great need to feel of worth. I want to know that I am worth it – worth it to be heard, to be known, to be accepted for who I am, to be loved. No matter how many great things I may accomplish in life, they really pale in comparison to simply feeling and knowing that I am of worth.

How much a person will compromise to feel of worth! And, oh, the choices a person will make because they don’t feel they are of worth. I guess that proves how deep the need reaches. It’s not a trivial thing. It affects every aspect of life. It determines so  many things – whether or not a mother chooses life for her unborn baby, whether or not a person chooses life for themselves over suicide, whether or not the elderly and infirmed are allowed to live out the full measure of their days. It all hinges on whether or not we feel and know that we are – each one of us – of worth.

The fact is, we are of worth. Whether we know it or not. And that is a fact. Nothing can change it, nothing we do or don’t do. However, it is far easier to speak the words than it is to truly know and believe it. There is no magic formula for the paradigm shift that happens when a person comes to truly know and believe they are of worth.

I had the privilege of growing up in a loving family. I know my parents and my sister will always be there for me. I had an ideal childhood – free from abuse, neglect, abandonment or fear. This was God’s grace and the older I become the more and more thankful I become…because the more and more I realize that – in this world – my childhood was the exception, not the rule.

Even my wonderful childhood considered, that didn’t cancel out my in-born need to feel of worth. It will be there until the day I die, driving me to the only One who can truly hear me, know me, accept me for who I am and love me like I need to be loved. I can’t find it anywhere else, in anything or anyone else. If I think I can, I will die trying. It just won’t work.

I guess it just helped me to acknowledge my need to feel of worth. Just to stop, admit it and not try to hide it. It is at that point that I can walk forward to fulfillment. To the only One who can fulfill me.

Isaiah 54:10 – “For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

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